butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
