Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
