; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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