Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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