I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
