So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
