Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
