why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
