i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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