I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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