the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
