She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
