I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
a search helicopter?!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
