it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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