Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
