Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
