Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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