Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
