me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
