i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
