the new term for farting is butt boxing.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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