This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
