i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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