is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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