If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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