I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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