When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
