I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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