smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
