I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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