I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I deserve this hangover.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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