She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
