That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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