you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
