I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
