life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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