Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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