Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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