Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
