I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
