It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
