Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
