apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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