I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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