My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
