they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
