I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
