I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
