i wish starbucks made bloody marys
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
