don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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