We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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