You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
