Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
