you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
