She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
