alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
