Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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