I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
