he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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