I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
