Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
