Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
