just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
