ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
