its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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