i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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