we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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