somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
