oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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