I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you had me at cake vodka
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
