I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
