Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize