he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
