So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
